Born Again

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I had always been taught that in order to enter into the Kingdom of God, one must become as a little child and one must be born again. I didn't understand this doctrine at all until I was much older.  How was I to become like a child and be born again when as a child I was babtized at age eight? How was this even possible as an adult?

In Mosiah chapter 27:25-26 in the Book of Mormon, Alma the younger shares his experience he had with the Lord pertaining to his rebirth:

25.  And the Lord said unto me:  Marvel not that all mankind, yea men and women, all nations, kindred, tongues and people, must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters;

26.  And thus they become new creatures; and unless they do this, they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God.

In 2003, I experienced my own personal mighty change of heart.  In other words,  I was born again.  I was at my aboslute lowest time of my entire life and in my own personal hell. There was absolutely no way of escaping the dark depression and panic attacks I was going through. It was so bad, I couldn't even crawl out of bed to take care of my two young children, ages eight and five.  As my husband took Forrest and Sadie out to the movies one night, I had an overhwelming feeling I should get onto my knees in prayer and plead to my Father in Heaven for help.  It took all of my energy just to fall out of bed onto my knees to pray.

I remember that prayer as if it were yesterday.  I petitioned with everything I had, every fiber of my being and soul for Father to take this darkness from me and if he did, I would give him everything I had, everything I had to offer and give it to Him for the rest of my life.  I apologized for trying to do everything on my own and not asking for His help.  After my prayer, I crawled back into bed and waited for my family to return home. As I laid there, I had another overwhleimg impression I needed to ask my husband for a blessing.

It was after 9:30pm when my family returned home when I asked for a priesthood blessing of healing.  George didn't want to inconvience anyone to come out so late so he asked me if I would settle for in the mornning.  I said no.  At exactly that same time, there was a knock on our door. It was the missionaries.  George was shocked to see them out past their curfew, but I knew the Lord had sent them to our home for me.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt the complete and total opposite of how I felt when I went to bed for the past several weeks.  I had clarity and peace of mind.  My heart and mind wasn't racing. I could breath normal. There was not the dark blanket engulfing me. It had vanished! It was as if I went to bed wearing black pajamas and woke up wearing white pajamas. This is the only explanation or analogy I have to explain the transformation that had occurred within me.

I was absolutely amazed and astonished at the immediate healing I had recieved.  Because of my faith, I had experienced the mighty change of heart.  I was reborn again.  I became a new creature in Christ.

How does this correlate with being like a child? I had always tried to do things on my own.  I had piggy-backed on my parents testimony for the longest.  After this spiritual transfomation, I became the child and my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ became my teachers.  I couldn't learn fast enough.  I was like a sponge.  For the first time in my life, at age 31, I had officially gained my own personal testimony.  I had experienced it.  I no longer doubted.  I knew.

Looking back on this experience, I realized the Lord protected me in the months proceeding this rebirth as I was being taught and being rooted in the gospel. I had expeienced pure joy, just as my blessing said I would have along with a clear mind. it is a true testimony to me that our Father in Heaven does hear and answer our prayers and that through the atonement of Christ, we can be born again and become new creatures.  I can't ever repay the Lord for taking me out of my own personal hell.  All I can do is keep my covenants and my promise I made on that dark night in 2003.